I Always Knew

I always knew I wanted to be a stay-at-home-mother.

But I also always knew that I wanted to go to college and earn a degree.

There was a time when I was focused on graduating from SDSU and being a mama was not on my immediate radar.

There was a time when I thought I may NOT be able to be a SAHM.

Thankfully, I surrendered and listened to what HE had in store for me. It took some time, but eventually I saw and understood why everything that had happened in my life up to that point.

I recall being at lunch with my colleagues when I was working FT in Del Mar and looking across the restaurant at a group of what I assumed were SAHMs. They had their strollers, infant carseats, burp cloths, etc. and were sitting around chatting about what moms of infants and toddlers probably chat about ~ sleep deprivation, finding the right diapers, etc.

I recall thinking to myself, “I want to do that someday.” Not live in Del Mar and sit in a brewery/pizza joint, but be a SAHM.

That was about 16 years ago.

I’ve been at home for almost 8.5 years now. It’s hard to believe. I don’t have it all figured out. Like at all. Somedays I feel so productive and others I feel like I’m letting my family down. Some days I just have to be OK with doing the bare minimum…

Kids up, dressed, fed, teeth brushed, hair done, lunches packed, homework in the backpack, socks & shoes on and to school on time {a pet peeve of mine}.

Dishes in the sink at least washed and placed in the dish drainer.

Maybe a load of laundry started {and probably forgotten in the washer for a day or two, but I always know that Jay will remind me it’s in there!}

Making sure we have SOMETHING for dinner that is semi-healthy and not from a drive-thru.

Picking up the kids from school and getting homework done before soccer, religious ed, dance, etc.

Remembering who has practice and at which field/park and at what time.

Asking Holden 26 times to get his shoes on and get in the car.

Getting home from said soccer practice {late} and getting dinner together, the kids in the bath, reading minutes logged, teeth brushed and tucked in.

Somedays that’s all I can do. And that’s not to say that I do this all alone. Jay is obviously tired after commuting and working all day, but he helps a lot, too.

And I’m not complaining about this at all, I’m just saying that there are days {lately more so than not!} that I don’t get a thing more done than what I have to. I am totally aware that I need to put down my phone more and pick up the Swiffer duster and Hoover more. I know this. I get it. I want to. But somedays I just don’t have it in me. And I’m not saying that’s OK either.

What prompted this whole post was reading this article floating around Facebook.

I’m not going to get real deep here {because I never do}, but sometimes you just need to hear that being a SAHM IS work and that it DOES count as a “job”.

I am beyond blessed that I’ve been able to stay at home this long. Yes, we have to make sacrifices and say NO and sometimes even worry about money.

But, lately we have truly seen God’s grace and witnessed his promise to always provide.

It was laid on my heart many, many years ago to be in this exact place right now and I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.

Bad days and all.

Because my “bad day” is someone else’s dream day come true.

The little 4X4 IG photos above are WHY I stay home with my kids.

I am gathering moments each day, the good and the not so good, so that when my babies are older and go off to college or I deliver a speech at their weddings, I can look back and know that I embraced what God placed in my path.

I may not get everything right, but I hope I get this right…..

I knew 16 years ago.

I knew 20 years ago.

I ALWAYS knew.