Fear & Worry

I’ve always thought myself to be a laid back, easy going, fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants type girl.

You know…don’t worry, be happy!

Well, I am happy, but once you have your first child you become a worrier from day one. Parenthood is a constant worry.

Am I producing enough milk? Are they constipated? Are they dehydrated? Why aren’t they sleeping? Where did they get that bruise? What will happen if I leave them at the free IKEA play area? Did they eat enough calories today? Will they be OK if I didn’t give them a bath in two days? Are they or aren’t they water safe? Should I or shouldn’t I get then vaccinated for H1N1?

I try to not look worried as a Mama.

Calm, cool and collected.

I think I do a pretty good job of it, but the fact is is that I worry.

All. The. Time.

We went to the zoo on Thursday and, for me, this trip was FULL of worry.

The minute we got there we stopped at the restrooms. Holdy jumped out of the stroller and I noticed that he was limping. I kept an eye on him while we walked to see the ‘mingos. Still limping and now his left foot was turned out and he seemed to be dragging it a bit. More worried. I asked him if his leg, knee or foot hurt. “No!” We moved onto the other exhibits and he didn’t seem to be complaining, but he did want to sit in the stroller between stops. This was out of character for him. I became more worried. We then visited the tortoises and then he wanted to go to the little park and play. I watched him like a hawk because I was afraid that he would trip and fall off the structure. I noticed he was falling a lot.

All of a sudden I feared the worst. Maybe he has a rare bone condition that is all of a sudden showing symptoms. Then I thought maybe one of his legs is growing faster than the other.

We stopped by the giraffes and got an ice cream. I sat there and worried. And then worried some more. I picked him up and squeezed his hip, leg, knee and ankle and he didn’t react. Still puzzled, he jumped into his stroller and we proceeded to the exit. Along the way we stopped to look at the komodo dragon. I sat down on the of the benches and called Holden over. I sat him on my lap and decided to look at his shoes.

Much to my embarrassment, come to find out his left shoe’s tongue was shoved down at the toe and his little foot had been crammed in there the whole time! I took off his shoe, pulled out the tongue and massaged his foot a little. He said, “Ow, Mama!” I felt like such a jack ass.

Why didn’t I check his shoe hours earlier?

Why did I assume the worst?

I want parenthood to be full of joy and excitement, not consumed with fear and worry.

Don’t get me wrong, it is full of happy joyful times, but I just need to remain AWARE so that I can notice when things are out of the ordinary.

The hard part is trying not to freak out when they are.

Parenting truly IS the hardest job there is, but it certainly PAYS the most.